Accommodation Request

He gets anxiety to going to the bathroom, if I am around. So, even at home I need to go with him to the bathroom, walk him to the bathroom and then I can walk away. But in any extracurricular event or outing, I need to be with him physically in the bathroom. So, he currently is involved in a dance class, which he quite likes, and he can toilet on his own. But I'm always around, he needed me to go to the bathroom because he's on a large door of restore locks to keep that going. And it's quite regular. So, there was a day he needs to go to the bathroom, and he wasn't. He asked if I could come with him and he was told “no.” Then, he didn't want to return back to that class because he got denied me going with him. So, what happened is I called and asked for accommodation for my son. They know that he needs some support. And I just asked if I could be available to go to the bathroom with him when he needs to go. And they said, “no problem at all. You can sit over here so that it's easy for him to access you and access the bathroom if needed.” So, after that, he felt really safe knowing that I would be able to go to the bathroom with him if needed. It was great because he is able to continue dancing because he got a poop accommodation. And so that feels pretty good. I actually have no problem advocating for my son, but it did feel silly, a little silly because he is independent. He can toilet on his own. He doesn't need any supports in school. He doesn't need help. So, it felt really silly. I guess it is kind of embarrassing to have to ask for this when I know that he can do it on his own. But then what was really interesting, I kind of call this a like, I don't know, like a divine confirmation.

I was on some of my favorite neurodivergent Instagram accounts. And one of the things that one of the comments on there was about how your child can have a high intellectual level of functioning and still require a parent present when they're pooping. And so, I thought, okay, so this is a thing because I thought, is this just me? Like, am I too much of a softie? Like we question our own parenting things at times when things feel strange and like, is it just me? Am I too soft? Do I need to, like, push them towards toileting on his own? In all of the places, even though I can see he gets visibly agitated to go to the bathroom alone. I can see, like the anxiousness on his face and his breathing and his fidgeting. If I'm present, he gets quite anxious if he has to go to the bathroom himself. So, I felt kind of silly that this is something I had to ask, but I was really felt validated when I actually was online yesterday. The dance school accommodated it, no problem. There were zero issues with that. So, I felt really happy about that, but still felt like I was questioning, am I making this and making this a thing? And when I was online later on, somebody spoke right to that. So, I thought, okay, this is a thing for other sort of autism. Okay? This isn't just us. So, those were my emotions involved and I felt relieved.

From experience I learned that it is always good to ask for accommodation if needed. The people may be in a very different world than I am. So sometimes people are more open than we may think or have a different level of understanding that we've always perceived. I think it's important to know that you can advocate for your kid, even for something that feels as simple as poop, because he doesn't require support if I'm not around. But yet when I'm there, this is how it is. And so, it felt a little bit silly.